Berbatov quits football to become Gigolo

'Sophisticated Berbatov'

Manchester United forward Dimitar Berbatov has finally decided to retire from life in the reserve team to pursue a career as a full time sex worker.

Speculation in the media had been rife until the player’s agent, Emile Dantchev, confirmed this morning that the Bulgarian is ready to take his ability for ‘creative play’ to the next level.

Despite not being able to secure a place on the first team sheet, Dantchev believes that Berbatov boasts many attributes that put him ahead of his Old Trafford team mates in terms of sexual prowess.

'Bad Boy Berbatov'

‘Welbeck is not bad looking, but at 19 he would probably pop his champagne cork a bit prematurely.’

‘Hernandez might be able to score in the 92^ndminute, but what woman is going to be impressed by a guy whose nickname is little pea? Then of course there is Rooney, who looks like a Halloween lantern carved out of a potato.’

Dantchev went on to explain that last year’s joint top scorer would engage in role play to suit the needs of his clients.

‘Well he can do ‘Sophisticated Berbatov’ which basically involves him looking smug and moody whilst seductively eating olives. If that doesn’t float your boat he can instantly switch to ‘Bad Boy Berbatov’ and slap you around a bit whilst smoking a fag.’

'Dream boat Berbatov'

‘And for those old romantics there is always ‘Dreamboat Berbatov’, the little Bulgarian you have been waiting to fall in love with.’

‘He will basically do anything. Except felching.’